i think it's time i admit that my life is pretty messed up. i just pretend it's not. it's not messed up in all areas, but it doesn't need to be, just to ruin me.

and this time i'm just so hurt that i want to spill everything. no it's not something that has JUST happened, but things that have happened over time.

how girls bitch about me even though i haven't done anything to them.
how boys insult me, and those few seconds of their words just ruin my whole day.
how i can't trust my friends, cos i don't know whether they really are my friends.

don't they know that i put all my trust in them, and time and again i forgive them for whatever they do, yet i always feel betrayed.

and maybe sometimes when i just see pics of my friends on facebook and i 'somehow' just cry, it's cos i'm not sure whether they really are my friends.

and how often i can't sleep at night, or even if i do it's cos i cry myself to sleep.

and sometimes when people don't have these kind of problems, they don't know what their actions may do to some people. and it's not exactly easy to let your family believe you're having an awesome time with your 'friends'.

when someone hurts me badly, and they apologise, i don't know whether to forgive them anymore. i don't want to be stupid enough to forgive someone if they didn't really feel sorry for something.

and because of these 'friends', i hardly trust anybody anymore. besides my clique. apart from them, honestly, i trust NO ONE else.

countless times i talk about how i wish someone or someone would like me, as if just having that person would get rid of all my problems. perhaps they'll make it easier to live, but the problems will still be there.

i don't want to go to people anymore saying how my life sucks, how i don't trust my friends, and things like that. why can't i, for once, just say that i love my life, i completely trust my friends, my friends are awesome and they'll never backstab me?

Perhaps God hasn't taken away the pain yet cos it's just not time. But i hope the time will come soon, cos it just hurts so much.