as long as i don't head on from here, i know i'll be fine.

but honestly, i wish i could sing "today was a fairytale" for an appropriate occassion. the only songs that ever apply now, are emo songs. it's kinda hard to sing about like, much less love, when it's only one-way. or sometimes there aren't even any feelings.

you know the first part of the song says "i used to be the damsel in distress", but i still am. "you tell me i look pretty when i look like a mess", well someone has actually said that before, but i ain't trusting him no more. i can't even mention "it must have been the way you kissed me", cos no. i haven't been kissed before (in that way).

the only lines that EVER apply no matter who i like are "fell in love when i saw you standing there", although i couldn't even say 'love', i don't believe in it. also, "you've got a smile that takes me to another planet", but i could never say it. that'd be kinda creepy, i think.

i think i've figured it out, those moments when i know something's wrong when i feel completely emotionless and empty. i'm lonely. EXTREMELY lonely. sometimes i'd pick up one of my dogs to sit with me by the pond or on the swing. i don't have anyone to sit beside.

you know they say that often people get into relationships cos of peer pressure? i think, i want one cos having people around me who have someone who cares for them, just makes me realise how lonely i am.

i find stupid stuff to do all the time. honestly staring into trees or the water doesn't help me think. cos i'm just thinking of a specific line all the time. stuff like "why not me?" or "why did he have to lie?". it's the same thing over and over again, and staring at stuff only helps me by focusing on that one thought, cos i'm so lonely i don't even have anything else to do.