i think i'm about to go crazy. can't stop pretending to be okay. when i pretend, no one knows how much it hurts. yet when i stop pretending, i turn into a bitch who doesn't understand anything. no, no one said that, but thats how it seems.

life goes on, memories stay, scars remain. so what if i was happy in the future? doesn't mean i don't have sad memories. the hurt remains.

oh whatever just FUCK THIS. I CAN COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS A MILLION TIMES, I CAN MENTION HOW MUCH IT FREAKING HURTS, BUT WHATS ANYBODY GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! IS ANYONE GONNA MAKE ME FEEL BETTER? MAKE ME FEEL APPRECIATED AGAIN? MAKE ME FEEL THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES FOR ME.

I FUCKING KNOW THAT NO ONE CAN FREAKING HELP ME ERASE MY MEMORIES, I'VE GOTTA LIVE WITH THEM TIL THE DAY I DIE.

i may not recall the memories 24/7, but i think once a day is bad enough. even for just a second. try seeing me smile the whole day. that's never happened. and every single day, i may not be flooding my bedroom, but i still cry. every single fucking time i try to smile, there'd always be something new or some other sad memory, that brings me down again.

is this what life is? then well i pity everyone including myself. i guess i've learnt nothing ever goes our way. gotta tell myself, live with it.