as happy as i can be, i find that i always give myself a reason to cry.

i must be like, retarded or smth, but anyway.

or maybe i'm just paranoid. every time something good comes along now, i will never expect it to end well. nothing has ended well since last year, and i'm just scared. i'm scared of outcomes.

and like i've said before, i know no one is perfect, but...can't we be close to perfection? yeah sure, no one can be perfect in every aspect, but we are perfect in specific ways? so people think that everyone's equal. but even so, aren't some ppl perfect in more than one way. more than you? and everyone prefers them.

was it last month, or smth? i said something like this, and i still think so.

there's always someone...
smarter;
funner;
prettier;
more sociable;
more capable;
more interesting;

and i know my own negative aspects?
i have a bad temper,
i'm demanding,
i'm lazy,
i'm unreasonable,
i lie,
and there's much more~

i would have said, i wished someone out there would appreciate me, but i know people DO appreciate me. and i don't know if they appreciate me for the things that make me likable only, or for everything. cos no one has seen all of me. some people think that i'm nice, never expecting me to be mean. someone people think i'm a bitch, and haven't seen my nice side.

i must admit, i'm too demanding, i only want things that i like. give me anything else, and they would probably dumped into the bin. well "things" covers a broad range of things...clothes? music?....people?

lets make that more...detailed? specific? i feel unloved, even though i know i am, because i'm not loved by the ones that i want to love me. besides, for now, i won't believe anybody who says "i love you". but next year i'll be fifteen...

"cos when you're fifteen
and somebody tells you they love you,
you're gonna believe them"

i'm finding taylor swift songs very inspirational now. well they are mostly true right? colbie caillat too.
"i am trying not to tell you, but i want to, i'm scared of what you'll say, and i'm hiding what i'm feeling, but i'm tired of holding this inside my head"

anyway, i shall go.......think about my amazing dream last night. that is the most unrealistic dream i have ever had. i wanna let go of my dream, before i'm hurt~

BYE