i got my results back today. the results just got worse and worse. and seriously, my results were very bad ):

Papers alone:

Chinese - 40/70 (Paper 1); 39/70 (Paper 2) [C5]

English - 18/30 (Paper 1); (8+14.5)/45 (Paper 2); 17/30 (speech)[C5]

History - 19/60 [F9]

Literature - 25/50 [C6]

Science - 39/100 [F9]

Math - 57/100 [C5]



I know my results are damn bad. ack. not a single A, not a single B, just C5s, C6s and F9s. i guess i was just betting on my luck. i was hoping just my intelligence alone would pull me through. chinese, i sort of studied, though there's not much to study for. english, how do you study for that shit man. history, fine i couldn't remember the chapters, since i didn't really study, only flipped through. literature, okay i really just suck at lit, srsly. science, hey that's really not what i expected. from an A* in PSLE to an F9 in Sec2? and math, fine i didn't practise.

i cried when i got my science marks. okay i didn't cry at first, but then there May, Crystal and Halyn were, comparing their marks, May and Crystal, A1, Halyn, A2. Fine it's natural for them to compare. But May still had to be complaining about her marks, even though she fucking got the highest in class already. THAT'S when i started crying. i didn't cry for history though, i was expecting to fail it.

the whole time i was fretting about telling my parents. i didn't want to tell my mama how badly i did, since when she came home, she was so happy and chirpy. so i took a long time before i finally decided that i would tell her, but before i said anything, she asked "did you get back any results today?". well yes. and my mom obviously knew that they weren't very good. "i can tell you didn't do very well from the way you look" "i failed history...and science" *silence* "what did you get for history?" "19/60" "thats not very good" "but you know i'm not good in history!" *silence* "what did you get for science?" "39..." "upon 50?" "upon 100" "thats even worse..." *silence* "i'm not going to scream at you cause it won't change anything"

mama didn't show that she was upset, but i knew she was. she didn't really reply me when i talked to her after that. mama i'm sorry for disappointing you, i'll work hard next semester. i'll try to stop slacking, and i'll make you proud okay? or at least, i'll show you that i have improved. mama i know you still love me, just that you're disappointed, but i love you still too, and i'm also disappointed in myself.

now i'm just afraid to tell my dad. my mom will probably not tell my dad again, and she'll tell me to tell him by myself. my dad will definitely scream at me. he did that last year, even though my lowest last year was only a C5, he even scolded me for getting B's, so i wonder what's gonna happen this time...i'm gonna have to face it. ack )': anyway,

i love you mom ♥